“I” Had A Plan

Dear One,

I had a plan. I lived my life according to my values. I believed I was doing the right thing. I ‘walked my talk’ and followed my heart.

I was diagnosed with a health issue in 2002. I applied holistic and alternative healing tools, therapies, family constellations, and treatments ++.

I know each and every step and choice was guided. Sometimes by fear, sometimes by recommendation, sometimes by intuition. Always by the love for life.

I so wanted to believe that I would get to the bottom, the cause of the experience and like some of my teachers – ‘it’ would dissolve.

It did not.

It shrunk and slipped into a cavity.

I was fine, hardly any pain or problems for years, until a few months ago.

Now I am invited to open up to a world that I was terribly afraid of: school medicine and hospitals.

Yes, I had a plan.

AND life wanted to offer a deeper healing.

What do I know? It’s humbling to enter this space of higher guidance through not-knowing.

Before I got to the other shore though – I entered the zone of unbelievable fears, demons and panic attacks for awhile.

UNTIL I opened up to the ‘other’ way.

I will have an operation. Tomorrow 2/19.

I have created a whole book, written down and out all of my thoughts, fears, concerns, appreciations, conversations, inner journeys, communications. I included images, so it’s my collage book of healing.


Today I have the feeling that some of the greatest healing will come to me overcoming these ‘ancient’ fears, appreciating and honoring school medicine and allowing my parents (and friends) to be present for my healing journey.

I know each and every step of holistic healing was right.

I have also felt the feelings of anger, disappointment, self-righteousness, arrogance, sadness and grief. ( The “I” might have been ego all along.)

The trust is back. And I am surrounded by love and compassion.

AND I LET GO (and of course the operation procedure scares me) IN LOVE.


Dear Reader, I wonder if you have experienced a similar situation? How did you deal with it? How did you face the fears? How did you return to trust? Please share with us.

sending tons of LOVE, Joya

©Text by Joya P Gallasch/thegiftsofchange.org

One thought on ““I” Had A Plan”

  1. Ich habe 15 Jahre mit einem Myom in der Gebärmutter ganz genau den gleichen Weg beschritten, den Du beschreibst. Es blieb, wie es war, es wuchs sehr langsam. Das Myom war mein Trainer, meine Lehrerin für Wahrnehmung und Achtsamkeit. Eine wunderbare Gynäkologin ließ mich machen, was ich wollte, unterstützte mich mit Akupunktur und beobachtete die Entwicklung. Nach 15 Jahren wusste ich, es muss aus meinem Körper raus. Es war zu groß geworden. Es schwächte mich, es vergiftete mich. Ich war bereit los zu lassen. Ich war erleichtert nicht mehr kämpfen zu müssen und seeehr traurig meine Gebärmutter zu verlieren. Aber ich wusste ich hatte alles getan, was ich konnte.Und ich hatte sehr viel über mich selbst gelernt.

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